Jesse’s Musings
Reflections of a consious mind

Douchebagery and other dating deficiencies

There is a blogger/author – one of many- that I am fond of, whose views closely reflect my own. Mark Manson says, among other things, that we all only have a certain number of fucks to give in our lifetimes and we should learn how to properly apply them. My personal affixation, at present is the fucks given and in my humble opinion, improperly allocated when it comes to dating.

Having grown up in a religious commune in Canada, I know a little something about the angst surrounding male/female relations, or more specifically, the lack of them. In my culture, getting laid requires a marriage license and the “blessing” of the apostolic. Consequently, my sexual/emotional experiences till the age of 38 were defined by one woman. This woman was uber sensual, incidentally, but as luck would have it, we both grew up in similar circumstances and ultimately needed some space to grow up and live our lives. This space, predictably, came in the form of a much maligned but necessary divorce.

Being suddenly single at 38 presented quite a conundrum. I’d never been single in the “real world” environment…devoid of stifling legislation and the watchful eye of elders, deacons and other sexually unsatisfied proletariat who’d be damned if anyone else was going to derive  satisfaction and solace  from the pleasures of the flesh. How does one proceed, and conduct themselves with some semblance of decency whilst reliving their repressed past?

I chose to learn the art of dating. This involved purchasing books and audio courses, whose main selling point, I will admit, was teaching guys how to get laid. Woven within the threads of wisdom, however, was valuable information on how to interact and treat women respectfully. As a person who like to do it right, if I’m going to do it at all, I found this information invaluable, and informative.

Mainly what I learned was that douchebagery, deceit and self aggrandizing was a practice used by small minded males whose insecurities have  outsized even their ghoulish egos. Often characterized by frat boy appearances, backwards hats, muscle bound bodies, narrow perspectives of society and specifically women. I feel like in general, men feel compelled to minimize women because they find them intimidating; wittier, more humorous, classier, smarter,  socially and emotionally wieldy and in general just a higher species of human. Instead of improving, men have adopted the patriarchal system of equalization, I.e. repression.

My question is guys: why is this approach necessary and what ultimately is to be gained. You can be a “bad boy” without being a narrow minded, chauvinistic douche. How about observing women, and learning from them. Their sensuality is a consequence of their complex emotions and broad spectrum of social interactions. Women are complex but not complicated. Without exception they are stimulated by intelligence, charm, confidence (subtle arrogance, but not machoism), deference, charisma and respect. Guys, learn how to appeal to those senses. I am a fit male, but not “muscular” per se. I have however spent considerable energy on becoming sapio. Learning how to be witty, engaging, well spoken and somewhat intelligent. I’ve found this to be a winning formula without exception.

If I hear a word that I don’t know, I look it up and try to apply it in my conversations. If I’m being a dick, I want someone to call me on it, and I consider th feedback and try to apply it to my life without arrogance. We all have our weaknesses and shortcomings, but they don’t need to define us. I only have a couple close guy friends, because I can’t stand being in a crowd of short sighted guys who refer to their ladies as “hoes, woman, the wife, my old lady” etc”. If you have an IQ over 65 it’s really unfulfilling conversation.

I recommend trying a different approach, guys. Let’s make ourselves more appealing instead of trying to drag the womenfolk down to our levels.

 

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